REALITY!
Chapter 20
After the church service, Denise received many hugs and
welcomes to the family of God, Nana and Papa being the first,
since they were nearby. Denise knew that she had made them very
happy with her decision, but especially because it was genuine,
not just for them.
Todd was waiting for Denise and his maternal grandparents,
as they eventually made their way to the Church door. Denise
thought Todd was acting a little strange, almost embarrassed, as
he greeted her, Nana and Papa.
"Y'all gonna come to my ballgame Thursday night? You oughta
come see me play. I've been doing real good!" Todd said
eagerly. "And so far, we've won more games than all the other
teams!"
"I'd like that, son". Papa said, squeezing the back of
Todd's neck affectionately. "What time does it start, and
where's it at?"
As the details were given, all agreed it would be a good
outing, and plans were made to watch the All Star Game 'of the
century' as Todd had jokingly described the last, and probably
most difficult game they would play this year.
Denise visited briefly with Grandma and Grandpa Whitaker
while waiting to go home. Eventually. Nana and Papa were in
Denise's little lavender VW, with the top down, Denise's heart
light, and carefree, enjoying the newness of life her committment
had brought.
Still, there were unanswered questions lurking in her mind.
Who was her real mother? Would she ever know for sure? Did
anyone know anymore than she did about the reason for her
adoption? Bravely, she decided to try to find out.
"Nana, do you know anything at all about my biological
mother, or why I was given up for adoption? It really doesn't
matter, you know. I'll always love Mom and Dad as my real
parents, but I wonder about it a lot."
"I really don't know much to tell you, Hon, but I figured
one day you'd want to know. Are you thinking you'd want to look
up your biological mother? You'd really need to talk with your
Mom and Dad before you do that."
"Not really, I just would like to know the reason she gave
me up. You know, if she just didn't want a baby, or if she gave
me up for my sake. It's not really that important to me."
Denise was careful not to give any clues about her suspicions.
"Well, let's see. I think they said that your mother was
very young when you were born, too young to take responsibility
for you. I think her family was rather poor. I believe you were
given up in order for you to have a good life, out of love, from
what I understand. I do know that the story was that she had
been raped. I hope you don't let that upset you. Maybe I
shouldn't have told you that part, Hon."
"No, Nana, don't worry about that. It won't bother me. I'm
glad you told me. It helps even to know that much. I've been
wondering a long time."
Determined to keep her suspicions to herself, Denise began
evaluating the possibilities. Of course, there were bound to be
other young women who were raped, became pregnant, gave birth to
baby girls, and placed them for adoption, but the same birthday?
That was just too coincidental! Denise was already 99% sure that
Joanie Weston was her biological mother, but with her questions
answered to her own satisfaction, she decided it would be best
just to keep it to herself.
After lunch, the phone rang. It was Jon. Denise was amazed
at her reaction. For the first time since she had known him, she
felt no excitement, no desire to talk with him, or be near him.
She was no longer angry with him, just felt a kind of pity for
him. She wondered what would become of him, and if he would ever
truly find happiness.
"Denise, were you busy? I wondered if you wanted to do
something this afternoon. I'll need to be leaving for school
about six o'clock, but I can come out for awhile if you want me
to."
"OK. Yes, that would be good. I really need to talk to you
anyway. Can you come on out now?"
"Sure. You sound kind of strange. Is everything OK?" Jon
sounded concerned.
"Everything's great for me, Jon. Really. See you soon."
"I love you Denise." Jon said gently.
"OK,Goodbye." Denise hung up the receiver, thinking how
odd it was that she could be so calm about facing him, after
being so angry last night. And she still felt happy inside, in
spite of all this. Wasn't this something akin to a miracle?
It didn't take long for Jon to arrive. Denise had been
watching for him through the kitchen window, and went out to meet
him as he drove into the front drive. She caught Nana's anxious
glance as she left the house, and wished she'd explained things
to her. She knew Nana sensed that something was up, but there
wasn't time now. Nana was so sweet, not asking any personal
questions, Denise thought, thankfully.
Denise went to the passenger side of Jon's car and got in,
thankful that he had parked in the shade, and noticed a
cool breeze was blowing occassionally.
"Hi," she said casually. Looking into his big brown eyes
she decided not to waste time. "Jon, I made a really big
decision this morning. It will effect my whole life. I want
you to know I made Jesus Lord of my life, today. I want you to
know that I am not the same person you've known all this time. I
think it's time to give you your freedom, but I hope someday
you'll make this same decision. I'm happier than I've ever
been."
"What are you talking about? I don't want my freedom! I
don't understand what's going on with you, Denise. Are you
just looking for an excuse to break up with me? Is that it?
Don't you have any feelings for me anymore?" Jon's eyes were
intense with feeling, as Denise tried to decide whether it was
anger or fear, or both.
"Listen, Denise, you've been getting a
lot of that religious nonsense crammed down your throat ever
since you came out here to stay. Believe me, when you get back
home, and everything gets back to normal, you're gonna see. It's
just a bunch of foolishness, Denise!"
"I thought I loved you Jon, but I didn't even know what love
was. Now that I've had a taste of real love, from God, I realize
I never really loved you, not a lasting love anyway. I was very
attracted to you, but then, you're a very handsome guy. You
won't have any trouble replacing me, Jon," she said, as she
handed him his senior ring.
"I don't want that back, Denise. I want you to keep it. I
love you, Denise!"
Getting out of the car, she refused to take the ring back.
She felt so sorry for him. She understood that this wasn't what
he wanted, but she also understood that he really didn't know
what he wanted.
He reached across the car, and grabbed Denise's arm roughly.
She gently tried to loosen his grasp, in vain. He released her
quickly, though, when he saw Papa had stepped out the door, and
was standing on the front porch, glaring at him.
"Look, Babe, I was really upset last night, after our
argument, and when you left for the hospital, and didn't want me
to go, I'll admit I did a pretty rotten thing. I ran into a
girl, and ended up going out with her. I guess word must've
gotten back to you, huh. Well, I know it wasn't right, but after
the way you treated me, for no reason, I guess I just wanted to
get back at you! But, I'm really sorry. Sweetheart, and I
promise, it'll never happen again. Just give me another chance,
OK? We can work out our problems. You'll get over this crazy
thinking real soon. So just take back this ring, and let's just
give it some time, OK?"
Denise refused to give in to the anger trying to rise up
within her. "Jon, this is not a game I'm playing, and I have
not been 'brainwashed', and no one had to tell me about you being
with Jessie Arnold last night, because I saw you for myself.
But, that's not what this is about. I just don't have the same
feelings for you now. It's just-it's just over, Jon!"
"Now, Denise, you can't mean that! Just quit acting stupid,
Denise! You're mine, and you just can't drop me like that!"
Denise could see that Jon was on the verge of losing
control, again, only this time, he hadn't been drinking. She
couldn't blame it on beer! She got out of the car, said simply,
"Bye", and with a smile, walked into the house, followed by Papa.
Nana and Papa looked at each other then at her, but said
nothing. She was aware that Jon's car didn't move for several
minutes, but her mind was made up. She knew this was the right
thing to do! Somehow, she felt it in her heart.
After a few minutes, she heard Jon peel out of the driveway,
and speed carelessly down the dirt road. Breathing a silent
prayer in his behalf, she felt a new sense of relief. Now she
could get on with her new life. Old things had passed away, all
things had become new!
Denise decided since she had the whole afternoon with
nothing special to do, it was a good time to write that letter to
Mom and Dad.
It didn't take long to get her story told, and it was much
easier than it would have been face to face. She explained that
she and Jon had gone separate ways, knowing they would be
disappointed, and that she had been studying the Bible for
herself, and found that she did believe it literally, and hoped
they would understand, and not oppose her in her decision to make
Jesus Lord of her life.
Now she felt better. Denise folded the letter, inserted it
into the envelope, and completed the addressing, wondering how
this letter would be received. She guessed they probably would
be afraid for her, that she would become a 'fanatic' or
something, and maybe they would be disappointed in her, for a
while.
Denise made up her mind to try to be a good 'follower of
Christ', in a way that would cause her parents to believe, if
possible.
It was funny how the things she had been taught in Church
and Sunday School, even years back, were just popping into her
head. She hadn't paid much attention to them, then, but now they
really had meaning. It was like everything she had ever been
taught about spiritual things was just waiting for this day.
Like it had been put away for her, and now was brought out.
And Denise had a real yearning now to know more, to find out
all she could about the God she was now serving. And the peace
she felt reminded her of Psalm 23, the last part that says "my
cup runneth over."
Contentedly, she lay on her bed, looking out the window at
God's masterpiece, the blue sky, white clouds, green trees, the
blue water in the distant tank, the small birds occassionally
flying from tree to tree, and wondered just what life held for
her now.
Denise decided that she had one more thing she would have to
do, explain to Nana and Papa about Jon. She couldn't let them
go on wondering, and she could see that they weren't going to ask
questions. They were very special people!